I never imagined that being a stay at home mom would be so fulfilling, rewarding and fun. Well I must not forget how hard it is either. Not every mom is built to stay at home and that’s okay. I think I may be one of those moms. I adore my children and I love spending all day with them, but I spent many years in school to obtain a degree in a field that I love. No fulfillment is like the one I get from my children but my career provides me much satisfaction as well, so why can’t I do both? I have respect for any mom period, whether she stays home with her kids, has play dates and prepares breakfast, lunch and dinner and practically home-schools her child out the womb (I swear that’s what it’s like) or whether she gets out the home and works her butt off in her career field of choice. Women are just freaking amazing and what about those mamas that can do both, give their child(ren) and career the attention they need.
Children are not a distraction from more important work. They ARE the most important work.C.S. Lewis
Stay At Home Mom
From the moment my husband and I found out we would be parents again, we began to make plans. Our entire decision to expand our family was a plan. In the beginning I told my husband I wanted to stay home for six months, then six months turned into one year the closer I got to giving birth. I left work two weeks prior to my due date to get everything prepared for our new baby, and I never looked back. As hard as it was to make the decision to resign from my job, it was the best decision for me and my family, so I did it!! And with that decision, came much sacrifice from not only me, but my husband as well. I’ve spent eight months trying to figure out the “stay at home mom/wife” life. I still do not have it figured out. I find my home always needs cleaning, clothes washed, dinner cooked, baby entertained, fed and cared for around the clock. It is so difficult being home all day yet feeling like you’ve been away all day because when your kid goes down for a nap and you look around it looks like a junk yard. So you start the dishwater and throw a load of clothes in the wash then BAM, baby’s crying. It’s fun, but its hella exhausting. Being a stay at home mom has also allowed me the opportunity to not miss a beat this school year with Alydia, whether it was helping with homework, making it to field day without calling out because some jerk wouldn’t let me off at work, or getting to make minis with mom at her school the week of mother’s day. I have really enjoyed being fully present during her last year in elementary school. Now that is worth more than money can buy!!!
The Fulfilling Career
For someone who has been in school their entire life almost (yes I’m STILL in school), I sure gave up working pretty easy for the joy that is Charli. Daycare and kindergarten counts, I’ve been in school for 26 years..TWENTY SIX YEARS yall and I worked my tail off for my profession. As some of you know, I am a Family Nurse Practitioner (we’ll talk more about that later), I see patients for a living and absolutely love it. So while I am home fulfilling the needs of my daughter who absolutely does need me, there is a patient out there somewhere who needs access to healthcare. Yes my child is more important and most certainly comes first, but I also owe my patients my caring, compassionate, advocating self, plus I just freaking miss it. Now I absolutely plan to be in control of how going back to work plays out. I do not want to work a Monday to Friday 8-5 job, I will NOT be on call, and I will not be called midlevel (we’ll talk more about that later also). But what I will do is provide the best care for my patients just as I did prior to leaving to pursue motherhood fulltime. Whatever job I decide to commit myself to, it has to have flexibility, there has to be work-life balance. Gone are the days that I allow my job to dictate how my time will be spent when I am away from it i.e. no desire to chart at home either. I am pretty good with leaving work at work so I plan to keep it that way, but if charting at home means leaving at noon, that’s something I may reconsider (shoulder shrug).
One moment I’m ready to throw on my business casual attire, white lab coat, swing a stethoscope around my neck and soar off into the wind right into patient care. While other days, I dread the thought of doing the aforementioned simply because It means leaving my children to do so. With so much in the media around babies/children being abused, neglected and murdered, it just causes me so much anxiety, worry, paranoia and damn near depression. I look at Charli and wonder how anyone could ever think to harm such preciousness but people do, people harm their own kids and yes I judge them because I’m human and to me that is one of the worst things you can do is harm a child. So how do I cope with these emotions? I don’t know that I do. Crying has always been my go to when I’m happy, sad, overwhelmed, angry, so I just cry I guess. But crying doesn’t solve anything as we know. So I guess I just have to trust that things will be okay regardless of what I decide. I am sure my mommy instinct will guide me in the right direction. I visited a daycare the other day and I cried because although they seemed to be the nicest, most professional and experienced people ever, I do not want to leave my baby with them, I just don’t. Oh this is hard; I am near tears just typing this. I did not think I’d end up here but here I am.
I recently landed an interview just one day after applying for a job. Here I was telling myself, “oh the market is saturated, and no one will call me”. Ha, jokes on me because that is so not the case apparently. The night before my interview George and I had a discussion, because believe it or not, he’s just as nervous as I am about leaving Charli with anyone other than me. We talked about me not sabotaging my interview so that I won’t get the job. Me? Sabotage my interview? Why how did he know that was even a thought? But just so you know, I did not do that, in fact I did the opposite. I was more prepared than I even knew. I was highly impressive, capable of answering the questions without hesitation, and the job appears to be the perfect fit with just the flexibility I desire and need. Now we wait!! The search continues however because picking up shifts only once or twice a month is not scratching that itch that I have to get back out there and provide the care that I love to provide. While I am confident and believe I am the best candidate for the position, I won’t put all my eggs in one basket.
We Gone Be Alright
I believe that when the time is right, I’ll get a job and it will be the right job for me and my family. I will not sacrifice my time with my kids and husband to fulfill someone else’s dream. What I will do is temporarily work for someone else to fund my dreams. Someday, I’ll be the owner of an amazing practice of my own but until then; I realistically know that in order to be regret and resentment free, I have to get back to working my tail off. Luckily, my husband is able to be home with Charli when I can’t and vice versa. And regardless of where I work, it will be made clear that I have to be present for my oldest, Alydia. She needs me more than ever now and I will be right here for her. I am so blessed to be a mom and an asset to society and the world of healthcare. I really do care about my patients and I absolutely love being a NURSE but I love being a mommy most of all. Have you ever struggled with making a decision? How did you deal with it? What was the outcome? Do not forget to follow me on social media and lets connect (click the Lets Go Places tab above), I would love to hear from you…#LetsGo